


I want to see your smile again...

by Ranesha



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Angst, Depression, Fever, Hurt/Comfort, Kiss <3, Light Swearing, M/M, Set before Advent Children, Sickfic, Tifa and Cloud's relationship is like brother and sister in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:09:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24756811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ranesha/pseuds/Ranesha
Summary: Cloud is unwell, but only realises it after the person he misses most in his life, comes and tells him that.
Relationships: Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Comments: 5
Kudos: 60





	I want to see your smile again...

**Author's Note:**

> My first Zack x Cloud fanfic, this idea came to me while studying earlier today and I actually finished it in one go. I wanted to review it multiple times, but I'm so happy with the way it's been written that I don't deem is neccesary anymore and I wanna post it as I'm excited. (and if I change my mind later, that's ... too bad xP)
> 
> The story is set somewhere before Advent Children and isn't connected to FF7 Remake.
> 
> Enjoy! Chapter notes at the bottom.

The landscape around Midgar was usually exposed by the sunlight from pretty much early in the morning until late in the evening.

On the barren landscape, only sand remained; no form of other life like flowers or animals inhabited the area.

Yet on this day, for a change, it had been raining lightly and a cool breeze was blowing which made dust particles kick up in the air.

A motorcycle could be heard in the distance and it’s rider came to a stop right outside the entrance to Midgar, killing the engine as he took of his riding goggles and stared up at the sky.

His blond hair had been soaked with rain, yet all he could do was look up, as if he was searching for something in particular, but yet couldn’t grasp what it was.

Cloud leaned back in his seat as he continued to gaze at the sky, rain washing over his face; he felt lost.

The fight against Sephiroth had ended, but he didn’t feel like he had won at all, not when… he had been infected with the Geostigma out of nowhere which resulted in regular visions of Sephiroth as pain shot up his arm more often than not.

It was at that time, that he decided he had to distance himself from his comrades, Tifa in particular, to make sure they wouldn’t had to worry about him, to make sure that they wouldn’t get dragged into yet another fight...

They had won… they had… but Cloud… he had only lost…

He had lost his hometown, he had lost his freedom… and when he had regained it and finally awakened from his comatose state… he had lost Zack which resulted him into losing himself…

The memory of losing Zack pricked his eyes and as he stared at the sky, he felt more than rain on his face; tears stained the corners of his eyes and he decided to just let them fall.

“I can’t do this… I can’t hold on... “ he murmured to himself as he raised his hand and tried to dry his tears, but for every tear he wiped, new ones fell...

_“Sure you can.”_

Surprised by the new voice Cloud lowered his head and scanned the area for a sign of anyone else, but found no one.

A smile crept on his face, “Great… I’m hearing voices again…” 

It wasn’t a genuine smile, it was more of a “I’m going crazy again” type of smile which sure as hell added to his current feelings of hopelessness. 

_“Think of it how you want buddy…”_

Cloud closed his eyes… “buddy” … only one person called him like that: Zack.

So now he was hearing Zack’s voice in his head? Perhaps it was his brain’s way of trying to calm himself down; by letting him hear the one person he wanted to hear, but most likely, he was just losing his mind.

Cloud sucked in a breath, before he decided to just play along, “So… why can I do this then?” he decided to ask.

_“Because you’re my living legacy.”_

The voice beamed as the words were spoken and Cloud just shook his head as he thought of Zack actually saying those words with a grin on his face, because that was just how he was; kind, full of energy and always radiant.

_“It’s alright to take it easy.”_

The voice now sounded calm and caring and again Cloud thought of Zack saying those words, giving him a reassuring smile; the kind of smile that would make all your worries fade in a single instant.

The blond bit his lip… thinking of Zack in general both eased and pained his heart; eased because the memory of the raven head brought back good memories, pained… because he was no longer here and Cloud blamed himself for it.

If Cloud hadn’t been such a burden… if he hadn’t been trapped together with Zack in the lab… if he hadn’t been exposed to the mako poisoning to be in a comatose state… then perhaps Zack would had still been alive…

But instead Zack had dragged him along from place to place, never once leaving Cloud’s side even though he was nothing but a dead weight... and in the end… he had died as he had tried to fight for their freedom.

And of course… Cloud only woke up to witness the moment of his death… if perhaps he had woke up moments earlier; he could have changed something.

Pain all of a suddenly shot up his arm and through his body, shaking him from his thoughts as the Geostigma made itself known to the blond again and as it did he could again feel Sephiroth’s breath in his neck.

Fear crept up in Cloud as it always did whenever this happened.

He knew no one was there; he knew Sephiroth was no more… but his body reacted the same every single time.

_“Are you ok?!”_

Of course the voice now sounded worried and Cloud took a deep breath as the pain started to fade again and the fear crept back down, “I’m fine…” he lied.

_“Yeah ok… sure…”_

The voice… or rather Zack who was speaking to him in his head… or rather… Cloud who spoke to himself in Zack’s voice, didn’t sound convinced.

_“You should get some rest… you look like shit”_

“I can’t rest…”

“ _Why not?”_

“Because…”

_“Because…?”_

Cloud started to get irritated now; he didn’t wanted to explain himself and truthfully… he also didn’t really knew what he wanted to do.

So far all he did was take mercenary jobs through Midgar to make enough money to keep himself alive. He decided to sleep and keep his personal possessions in Aerith’s church in the Sector 5 slums and when there were no jobs he would be on the road; just driving his motorcycle gave him a sense of freedom.

_“Go home buddy…”_

“Home?”

_“You know… your real home, the place you and Tifa have above the bar.”_

It was true, he and Tifa both resided above the new Seventh Heaven, with them were both Marlene who stayed with them for as long as Barret was out and Denzel, the orphan he had found who had also been infected with the Geostigma.

Lost and hopeless Denzel had taken his phone and dialed Tifa’s number, but when Cloud found him, all he could see was the boy fainting at the spot as Tifa’s voice sounded through the phone, calling for him frantically.

When he had taken Denzel back to their place they both agreed on one thing: that boy would stay with them from now on.

“I don’t wanna go there… they don’t even know about the Geostigma… I would cause them unnecessary worry.”

The voice sighed, _“Look, if you don’t go soon you’d might faint right here in the middle of nowhere.”_

Cloud leaned forward grabbing the handles of his Hardy Daytona, “And why is that?”

_“Dude… you don’t notice you’re sick?”_

“Of course I’m sick, I keep hearing a voice talking to myself in my head… how is that healthy?” 

More sighing, _“You look like shit, you hear voices and you’re letting the rain wash over your body-”_

“Because it’s hot,” Cloud interrupted.

_“No it’s not.”_

Cloud tightened his grip on the handles as he actually thought it over; his body was soaking wet from the rain, but his head was glowing. He felt light headed, but he thought that was because a voice was speaking through his mind. He felt like his body weight a ton, but he thought that was because of the occasional Geostigma attacks through his body.

Perhaps… he had contained a fever.

_“Uhuu uhuu… you look like you finally realised you’re sick, now go home!”_

“I can’t burden them…”

_“Oh would you cut it out Cloud, you’re not a burden to them, also spending the night in Aerith’s church isn’t gonna make you better either. You need a warm bed and a steady roof above your head!”_

Cloud let out a laugh at that; yeah that sure sounded like Zack.

“Ok… so let’s say you’re right… how do I hide the Geostigma?”

More sighing, _“How about not hiding it?”_

“That’s not an option,” Cloud said.

_“Urgh… if I were alive I’d force you into that bed, I’d force you to show it to everyone and I’d force you to feel their care, of course I’d care the most of all thought haha!”_

If he were alive…

Cloud looked down at his legs, a feeling of sadness washing over him, “Zack…”

\------------------------------------

After safely storing his motorcycle, Cloud stood in front of the bar, his hand resting on the door handle, taking a moment before opening the door.

The ride to the city of Edge, made him aware of how badly he had truly felt and in the end, he was glad he made it here without falling of his motorcycle as his body felt to weak to support himself.

This place was his true home… 

After the events of the final battle, Tifa had asked him to move in with her, not because of any romantic feelings involved between them; but because of their bond.

In the past there’d might have been romantic feelings involved, but none of that was true anymore when they met again years later in the sector 7 slums. 

In the end their bond developed like that of a brother and sister; caring deeply for each other and being there whenever they needed each other.

This was also why Cloud had distanced himself from Tifa the moment he noticed he had been infected with the Geostigma; Tifa had been through enough in her life, from losing her mother, to her hometown burning down, to her losing her place again as the plate came down: burying the new home she had found.

But Cloud was no fool, he also understood that he had probably worried her as well… in the end however… whatever he did was no good. But at least distancing himself made him feel like he had done something right, so he held onto that feeling.

He finally opened the door and entered the small hallway of the building.

To his left was the door to enter the bar and in front of him the stairs that led to their private quarters. 

Tifa probably was at the bar, cleaning it and making it ready for the night.

He could have opened the door and greeted her, but his mind screamed otherwise, ”Go up the stairs and finally get some rest,” and he listened to it.

He dragged his legs up the steps of the stairs, which took way more effort than he had hoped… god what was he a wreck.

Behind him he heard the door of the bar open and Tifa’s startled voice, which was surely directed at him, but he couldn’t quite make sense of what she was saying…

He was panting and dragging his feet up, step by step, all of his attention focused on getting to the top.

In the next moment he felt a strong hand on his shoulder, lightly helping him move up from behind and he decided to accept the help.

When he finally reached the top he dragged his feet across the small hall towards his own bedroom, the hand still guiding him from behind and he was sure he felt some of his weight being taken off by it.

He saw another hand open his bedroom door, but his mind just continued to drag his feet towards his bed, before he finally sat down on it and let his eyes wander to the person who helped him, “Tifa…”

Tifa, who had found him in a dazed state and gently guided him to his bed now was standing on the other side of the room, searching through his closet for something and Cloud just stared at her.

When she heard his voice she turned around, giving him a gentle smile, “It’s alright… let me just find you something more comfortable to wear first.”

After a few moments she took out a white shirt and a pair of sweatpants; the most basic of clothes Cloud had.

She approached him, gently helping him take off his jacket, “Cloud… you look like shit.”

Cloud just smiled, “Someone else said the same not too long ago.”

“Someone else?” she asked as she threw the jacket behind her.

“It’s… never mind.”

She just hummed as she helped him remove his shirt and pants, throwing it on top of the jacket, leaving him for a moment just in his underwear.

Normally Cloud would be embarrassed by this, but he felt like he couldn’t care right now; he was unable to get back up and do it himself, so he would take all the help he could get.

Tifa didn’t seem to mind at all, this wasn’t the first time she had stripped him of his clothes, but their relationship made none of this awkward. 

She hesitated for a moment, staring at his arm, but decided not to say anything about it.

Moments later she kneeled down in front of him, guiding his feet through the holes of the sweat pants and lightly tugging them up at which Cloud automatically shifted a little so that she could pull them up all the way. Then she gently guided the shirt over his head.

Satisfied with her work she lightly touched his forehead, “You got a bad fever Cloud.”

Cloud let out a small laugh at that, “Yeah… I noticed.”

“Get some rest.”

And he did just that, he lay himself down, pulling the comforter gently on top of himself, closing his eyes and letting himself be guided to the world of unconsciousness. 

\------------------------------------

As Cloud opened his eyes slowly, he was met with nothing but the sight of the sky and the clouds lingering in it.

He sat up, looking around at the sight; trying to make sense of it. 

His eyes darted down, realising he was just sitting on… nothing? 

There was no floor, it appeared as if he floated between the sky and clouds he was surrounded by, yet he felt a firm underground under him that suggested there’d might be an invisible floor? The sight of it was making him nervous as it felt like his mind was playing tricks on him.

“Sleeping beauty awakens at last.”

Startled Cloud looked up to see a familiar raven haired man standing in front of him giving him the biggest grin he could possibly manage.

Frantically Cloud got to his feet, literally jumping into the arms of the other, embracing him as tightly as he possibly could, “Zack!”

He was crying like a baby, but he didn’t care. His body shook, but he didn’t care… all he did was grabbing onto Zack so tight like it was his last lifeline; if he’d let go, he’d lose it all.

In return Zack gently caressed Cloud’s hair as he held him, “Yes, it’s me buddy…” as he spoke the words he noticed he had started to cry himself, “I’m … here…”

They just stood like that for a long moment; both crying, holding on tight, just being in each other’s presence...

After a while Cloud loosened the hug, “I’ve missed you…”

Zack smiled at him, “I missed you as well,” and as he said those words he pressed a light kiss on Cloud’s forehead.

The blond flushed a little under the kiss and all he did for a moment was stare up at Zack’s face, the face he missed so much, the face he’d wish he could see everyday… taken away from him years ago.

“Hey, it’s alright,” Zack started as he raised his hand and gently stroke Cloud’s cheek, “I’m here… well… for now though..”

“What do you mean?” Cloud asked, growing uneasy.

Zack’s expression turned grim, an expression Cloud would rather not see on him; Zack with such an expression was rare and if he did make it, it never meant anything good.

“This is a dream Cloud...it’s not real…”

Cloud just continued staring at Zack until he finally broke eye contact, “Oh… so my brain’s making up this dream in order to comfort me again,” he furrowed his brows, “And it’s working…”

“No no, that’s not it!” Zack suddenly shouted, startled at Cloud’s words, “I’m really here, it’s just… uhm… how do I even explain,” he hanged his head in defeat.

Cloud glimpsed at his face, noticing the confusion spread on it.

All of a sudden Zack’s head shot up again, “You see, this is a lucid dream… no wait that’s just confusing to…” 

The blond furrowed his brows even more.

Noticing the expression, Zack rolled his shoulders, trying to calm himself down, “Hey no need to look like that, I’d rather see you smile buddy.”

Smile?... how long had it been that he genuinely had smiled at someone, he wondered… right… it’s been so long that he can’t even remember himself, “There’s nothing to smile for…”

“I’m here… isn’t that reason enough?”

“But you’ll leave me again sooner or later.”

Sighing, Zack scratched the back of his head and took a step backwards, walking a small distance, “Right… ok so… this is kind of… Aerith’s doing,” he turned around, curious to see Cloud’s reaction.

The blond’s expression turned dark at the mention of her name… Aerith… he let her die.

“You thought just now of something dark again right? I can tell from your expression, you’re an open book Cloud,” Zack lectured, “Really… stop that, it’s not your fault, neither is my dead.”

“Stop that yourself! I let you both die!,” Cloud shouted, hands clenched, body shaking, “It’s all my fault, because of me!”

Zack approached him and pulled him in a tight embrace, “Stop that Cloud, stop blaming yourself, stop being so hard on yourself,” he felt like he couldn’t take it anymore at that moment. Cloud did nothing but blame himself, he couldn’t live his life because he was pulled back by his and Aerith’s death and Zack felt like seeing the blond like this would tear him apart…

“But…”

“Stop the but!... I can’t take it anymore buddy, seeing you like this, full of guilt, not being yourself, even letting yourself getting so sick that I had to beg Aerith to interfere so you could come to your senses and would go home!”

“Wait what?” Cloud asked, taken back by the words.

“Yes, you heard me right! We talked earlier today, that wasn’t your mind playing tricks, that was me actually talking to you,” Zack said, letting out all of his frustration.

Even though Zack always seemed happy, upbeat, radiant and helpful, it wasn’t as if he couldn’t get angry or had no sorrows at all; if he was pushed far enough… those emotions would come overflow, wherever he wanted it or not.

“I begged and begged that I could talk to you, but it’s not normal Cloud, the living and death are not allowed to communicate, yet I begged!”

“But… why…?”

“Because you’re destroying yourself… you’re… the person... I loved most in the world… and you’re destroying yourself, I can’t take seeing you like this anymore!”

Cloud’s breath got caught in his throat at those words, Zack… he… cared for him that much?

It’s not as if Cloud never noticed the expression on Zack’s face whenever they saw each other, the way he treated Cloud compared to the other cadets, but he just took it as Zack’s personality; he would treat anyone well and anyone would love him.

And so did Cloud… he loved him so much… at first he admired him, being SOLDIER first class, after that they became genuine friends, but at the end those feelings of friendship had developed into so much more…

He had come to love Zack.

And perhaps that’s also why he had felt so lost after remembering him again… his life felt empty now, without Zack by his side.

“I… love you Zack,” Cloud murmured.

Zack loosened the embrace and lightly grabbed both of Cloud’s arms pulling them forward, “I know…”

“I… love you so much…” Cloud had started to cry again, “But you’re not here anymore…”

The raven head lightly let his hands slide down Cloud’s arms until their fingers intertwined, “I’d might not be alive buddy… but I’ll always watch over you.”

“I’m nothing without you.”

“You’re strong Cloud,” Zack squished Cloud’s hands lightly, “You’re strong… and you will be fine without me.”

The blonde just couldn’t agree to that, but he had no choice but the go on without Zack, deep down he knew that, but seeing his friend in front of him now, both of them finally confessing how they had felt, he just didn’t want to let go.

And yet… having finally confessed to him, talking to him after his death, knowing that Zack never blamed him… made him feel relieved in a way as well.

How they had separated before had left so many questions unanswered, questions that Cloud had needed to be answered, in order to go on with his own life.

“I…” Cloud started, but before he could continue he was shocked by Zack’s appearance; the boy in front of him had started to fade away.

“It seems my time is up,” Zack whispered before locking his eyes with Cloud one last time.

“Please do me a favor; look after yourself, do it for me buddy… so that I can watch you without worries,”

Cloud just nodded, “I will… try…”

“Well trying is a start,” Zack said as he started to become more and more transparent, but before he faded he leaned forward, gently kissing Cloud on the lips.

This kiss was warm, loving and Cloud leaned into it, enjoying the moment; feeling all of Zack’s feelings into one gesture.

When they pulled apart, Zack gave him one last time the biggest smile he could measure.

“I want to see your smile again buddy…”

With those words Zack faded away, leaving Cloud alone. The warmth that had been around his lips and hands moments ago; fading away in an instant.

He turned his gaze upwards, staring at the clouds above him, “I’ll always remember you… Zack…” and this time he made sure that that would be the truth.

\------------------------------------

The next moment he opened his eyes, he was back in his familiar bedroom; staring at the ceiling as he allowed himself to be pulled back to reality.

The dream he had remained strong in his mind. He’d might not get over everything that had happened soon, he’d might not get over it at all, but now that he talked to Zack, had gotten some things off his chest, had heard his friend’s real feelings, he felt like some weight had fallen of his shoulders.

“Tifa, Tifa! He finally woke up!”

Cloud looked to his side seeing Marlene smiling at him.

Next to her was Denzel, looking at him with relief as well; that was the first time Cloud could remember seeing the boy without constant worry on his face and honestly, this expression suited his face way better.

Tifa walked into the room with a tray on which stood a cup of soup, “Oh so you finally decided to join us again?”

She sat down the tray on the bedside table and put a hand on his forehead, “It seems your fever finally broke, how are you feeling Cloud?”

Cloud gently pulled himself into a sitting position, noticing his body obeyed better than before he had gotten any rest, but it still felt like he hadn’t completely recovered yet, “Better… but a bit weak…”

She huffed, “No miracle, you were out for more than 24 hours… I was honestly getting a little worried.”

“Yes Cloud, don’t make Tifa worry,” Marlene said as she tapped his hand in gesture.

He turned his head to the young girl, giving a nod of his head, “I’ll try my best…”

“Uhuu, as long as you know,” she beamed.

He then turned his direction to Denzel and lifted his arm to pat the boy’s head.

As he raised his arm he noticed a bandage covering his Geostigma; obviously Tifa had caught sight of it and hid it away from the children and Cloud was grateful for that.

“I’m glad you’re alright…” Denzel murmured, but the boy seemed to enjoy the light pat and Cloud just smiled at him.

Startled Tifa let out a sound, “Wait… is that a smile I see on your face?”

Realising he actually smiled, Cloud retracted his hand and turned his head, blushing lightly, “You’re imagining things…”

“Oh… so the tough guy is finally softening up a little,” she teased as she picked up the tray and set it in front of Cloud.

Cloud just turned his attention to the tray, “Thanks for the food…” he murmured as he picked up the spoon and started to slowly eat his soup.

“You’re very welcome,” she patted his head which stopped Cloud in his tracks, but he decided not to comment on it…

He would try his best to lighten up, for his comrades and friends, for Zack who watched him from far away and perhaps one day… the amount of guilt wouldn’t weight as heavy as before.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, it means allot to me :D
> 
> Chapter notes:  
> \- So, I don't think he really sees visions of Sephiroth everytime the Geostigma hurts, but it's more of a pain and a feeling like he's present right? Yet I couldn't resist writing it like that because it'd make it even more interesting in my personal opinion.  
> \- Writing Tifa as a sister character was rather amusing, them both not caring how they are dressed in each other's present seemed like a good asset to my story as I don't ship them in a romantic way.  
> \- It actually felt allot harder than I thought to write Zack, he's such a cutie and a puppy, but I wanted him to get angry and scold Cloud now as well and it just wasn't easy, I hope he's not OOC.


End file.
